September subtleties.

I walk around our neighborhood each morning with our dog Daisy, usually before 8am. All summer I've strolled, half awake - but in tune with the sounds, smells.

Today is the first day of public school in our community, and it feels.... different. There is a tone in the air. I remember it as a kid. For me, it was anxiety in it's most raw form. Terror. I didn't mind the "school" part of school. I liked learning, doing assignments, reading. But I loathed the social aspect. Mean kids, bullies, fingers pointing, whispers, scheming, rumors, gossip. I learned at an early age how full of dicks the world truly is.

I didn't know how to effectively seek out the cool kids. How to befriend them. The few times I tried, I was met with ridicule. I shut down early.

So today I walk the streets with my dog with quite a bit of these early feelings still intact. I see some kids walking the sidewalk, slowly, heads down, backpacks slung low. I empathize. Then I see the extraverts, having fun pushing each other around, laughing, kicking rocks, and I feel the same envy I did 40 years ago.

I can't blame anyone for my introversion. I could wrestle the nature / nurture argument. But instead, I'll just focus on being a good person, good husband, good dad, good brother, good son. I think that's ok. We are such complicated systems, us humans. Could I train myself into extroversion? What would be the benefit? Would I be a better person?

Today I have many commitments. Of which, most are for my business. I have literally hundreds of small elements of projects to get done on time, correctly, before I can call it a "day".

I love my wife.

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