Snoring spouse, snoring dog, sleeping partners, active pops. Out of sync, intentionally, finding peaceful respite, I type english as it pops. Flinging singing verbs, turds of thought, liquid nouns, fuzzy words. Coffee, hot coffee, my date always, two of us predicting and planning, knowing better.
God laughing as we plan - belly laughing, tears pooling, fueled by our audacity. Absurdity. Foolish fools dreaming, despite experience, dreaming of a cause, then effect. No. Cause all you want, effect fades in reliability. Effect takes text towards truth, turns, unexpected. Unreliable lie - lacking something foggy, blurred - too slick. God says no. Then god’s god laughs, and we share the mirth disguised as probability. God does play dice with the universe, but the universe is rigged, corrupt. It’s all dream. False. Effects don’t care if they come before cause, but we can dream it. Dreaming it makes it so, so I say. Time, too, directly nonexistent, takes time to think about, therefore cannot exist without itself - there is no cause. Effectively freckling the sky with stars, god thought light and time would serve, but she laughed, and god’s god simply smirked.
World fades in, coffee cools, calmness tries to peek. I want it. I want it fully, calm. Fish beyond the fly, too far, fruit out of reach, no stool, air above water, no time, too weak. Seeing calm, interpreting calm, believing in calm, doubting calm, chasing calm, in circles. Drop a calm bomb. Calm cares not for me. Care? Another illusion, true or false. Calm and caring, wouldn't that be nice. Define care. Something self serving, selective silence, secretly saving calm for later. Hoarding calm, feigning care? Where is care when calm’s not there? To be fair, we can squarely look eyeward, to share care, but calm is delicate. Smells badly exhausted. Becomes impatience, becomes anxiety, becomes devil, rested, ready. Foolishly self brainwashed believing in calm, caring, daring devil to engage, trading for rage. Devil knows anger, how to become it. How to share. How to fuel. How to sell. Balance, calm, care, anger, rage - mix tricks with sick tickling singular moments. Dice rolled, four sides, two dice, every time. But effect - ha ha! Effect came first, defying. Dice rolled me, past tense. Tension, calm’s opposite, lights the wick of rage. Undetected caring faults both, yet both do poorly. Tense and time, calm and caring, all upstairs, unreal - but even unreal is false, as is false itself. Imagining false implies truth, which needs effect to follow cause, therefore no truth, no time, no rage, no anger, no us. Random atoms, they, without us, are not there if we care to know. Ignore no more, gorge yourself shameless on calm and caring before you wake. Real or not, care for calm. Nurture calm. Induce calm. Sell calm. Breath calm in and out, repeat. Relax. Wait. Can one relax and still care? No. Must choose between them. Selfish above all, relaxing, omits care - sold out to calm. Believe in choices? Bother not. Come back, beautiful ignorance, for I need you for this day.
There we go. My reality seems real. Knowing better, I resume the act.